I have spent much of my adult life living in other countries, so I’ve witnessed a lot of differences between cultures.
We humans have to eat, so food and dining is an endless topic. I love going to a country and witnessing how things are done in restaurants. In France, I have seen a lot of little nuances when it comes to dining, so I thought it would be fun to share my observations.
First, a caveat: I am not referring to fine dining, Michelin-star restaurants; that is a whole other class in which I do not partake because I prefer the run-of-the-mill restaurants, cafes and brasseries.
Let’s get started.
Dining is an event
Culturally, dining in France is not a hit-and-run type of deal. (If you want fast food, they have McDonald’s or you can grab a sandwich at a boulangerie.)
This is a time to relax, discuss, enjoy. Sip your wine or Perrier and plan to spend at least an hour and a half at a restaurant for lunch, and - especially if you have French friends - at least two hours or more for dinner.
You may ask, “What if I’m dining alone?” Good question. Bring a book or newspaper. This is an opportunity to luxuriate in excellent people- and food-watching. Put the phone away!
Dinner is after 7pm
In France, you are automatically spotted as a foreigner if you eat before 7pm. That said, Paris has a number of establishments that advertise service continu. That means they serve food all day, not just at lunch and dinner times. I’m assuming this is to cater to the droves of tourists that flood the city and who come from various dining cultures of their own.
Some restaurants in France will not open for food until 7pm (or 19h if you want to get all French with your time). Others are open for drinks before the kitchen resumes service, so you can have your apéro and do some people watching.
If you’re outside of Paris, like I was in the South of France last fall, there are towns where restaurants simply do not open until 7pm, so make sure you have some snacks if you’re hungry.
No butter
I’m used to buttering my bread when I’m in a restaurant. But in France, the bread comes in a basket without butter. I have actually dis-acquired a taste for bread with butter when I’m in France. And besides, French chefs are so good with sauces, the unbuttered bread is a vehicle for sopping up every morsel of your meal.
That said, they will serve butter to you if you ask for it. (A French kitchen without butter is like a bicycle without wheels!)
Napkin rules
In France, I’ve noticed that people don’t typically put napkins on their laps when eating. Instead, they’ll eat with the napkin resting on the table. When it’s time for the server to clear your plate, s/he won’t take the napkin away - you might need it! Also, it’s important to note: French people don’t put dirty napkins on a dirty plate.
Cutlery communication
Sometimes in the US, the server will take your plate with your cutlery and bring you a fresh fork/spoon/knife. Not so in France. If your fork and knife are on your empty plate, they’ll take them off and put them back on the table for you to continue eating with.
A second thing about cutlery is there are different ways to indicate whether you are still eating or finished with your meal. The image below shows the simplest signals for your waiter, though in olden times, I understand there were more complex ways of ‘cutlery communication’.
Wait for the wait staff!!
The heading above deserves two exclamation points because it’s imperative.
When I’m home, it’s perfectly normal to get up from the table and find the server to ask for the check/more wine/more bread. That is simply not done in France.
Instead, you wait for the server to pass by to ask for what you need. (Note: they will not come around frequently to ask if you need anything; you need to ask them first.)
Also, you have to ask for the check - they don’t automatically bring it to you. I think this relates to the “dining in France is an event” thing. They want to leave you alone. They’re busy. If you’re just having a drink and plan to move on, you can go inside to the bar, tell them what you had, and pay for it there.
A tip about tipping!
“Do we tip here?” I’ve asked friends countless times in countless countries. It’s a good question because in the US, tips are usually the bread and butter for wait staff.
In France, tipping is not necessary. A French friend told me, though, that you can leave a tip if the service is good. It doesn’t need to be 10%/15%/20% like in the US; use your discretion. A 20/30-euro meal with great service could result in an extra 1-2 euros out of my wallet.
That’s all I have for you for now. If any of you have your own tips/observations with French dining culture, so please feel free to leave a comment.
Bon appétit!
Well, the answer seems to be both (or neither) are correct. If you google "où mettre la serviette quand on mange" you'll get some sources that tell you on the lap, some that tell you on the table to your right, and even some that tell you on the table to your left. Tonight at dinner, I saw two French women dining together, one left the napkin on the table, the other put it on her lap.
A good, useful summary. Re napkins, I've not noticed that French people eat leaving the napkins on the table, but rather that they leave the napkin on the table until they start to eat, and only then put it on their lap (as opposed to immediately putting it on their lap when they sit down, which Americans do). But I'll watch in the next few days and report back if I see confirmation of what you have reported.